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Author Topic: I went on the internet and I found this - Joke Thread  (Read 529653 times)

Offline Archimonday

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #15 on: 03-03-2010, 22:03:40 »
A man has "I Love You" tattooed on his dick, and he turns to his wife and asks:

- Want to give me a blow job?

to which she replys

- Strop trying to put words in my mouth.
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Offline Moose

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #16 on: 03-03-2010, 22:03:45 »
Quote from: Corvax on 03-03-2010, 22:03:34
Kid and Mom in the Kitchen:

"Mommy ? Can i have the cookies please ?"
"Sure, they are on the cupboard"
"Can you please give them to me ?"
"No, get them yourself"
"But Mom, you know, i've got no arms"
"Well, no arms, no cookies"

Friend of mine told me that yesterday ...

I don't get it.
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Offline Kubador

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #17 on: 03-03-2010, 23:03:51 »
This joke need a little explenation before I can post it.

This joke takes place in Poland during the cold war (behind iron curtain) when the whole block was piss poor and everything that was in the west was simply better - closest comparison Federal Republic of Germany.


"A boy sits on his dad lap and asks:
-Daddy can I ask you something?
-Why yes son, what is it?
-If we won the war why we don't live like in FRG?"

Really hard to throw it over the cultural gap.
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Offline Ionizer

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #18 on: 04-03-2010, 00:03:12 »
A blond chick walks into the Dry Cleaners and places a sweater on the counter. She asks the owner, "How long will it take to get this stain out?". The owner, a little old lady who didn't hear her clearly, asks, "Come again?" The blond chick blushes and says, "No, it's just mustard this time..."
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Offline Capten_C

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #19 on: 04-03-2010, 01:03:01 »
A professor of mathematics sent an e-mail to his wife. It read:

Dear Wife,
You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight.

Your Husband

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

Dear Husband,
You, too, are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.

Don't wait up.
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Offline Kading

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #20 on: 04-03-2010, 01:03:39 »
How does a mom in West Virginia know her daughter is on her period?


She can taste the blood on her son's penis.
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Offline Tedacious

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #21 on: 04-03-2010, 01:03:50 »
Quote from: Kading on 04-03-2010, 01:03:39
How does a mom in West Virginia know her daughter is on her period?


She can taste the blood on her son's penis.

hahaha that one was actually good :)



but so far, gotta agree with moose and fuchs, ionizers was best so far
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I see were you are trying to reach: "how can a 17 year old kid have such a thinking like this? why doesnt he wants to be like normal teens who whana get rich? and his plan actually makes sense, but is too damn revolutionary and good at the same time than is still doubthfull if it works..." - Damaso

Offline sheikyerbouti

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #22 on: 04-03-2010, 02:03:51 »
 Olympics joke that I heard last week before the big Hockey game...


 "If we don't win the gold medal, we are going to burn Vancouver down to the ground with the Olympic flame"


 Or Stephen Colbert saying " Vancouver's Downtown Eastside (really poor and crime-ridden area) is one block of a failed socialist state"


edited for simple spelling mistake     
« Last Edit: 04-03-2010, 02:03:14 by sheikyerbouti »
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Offline Cory the Otter

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #23 on: 04-03-2010, 02:03:28 »
A British fighter pilot got downed over German occupied airspace and was captured by the Nazis on the ground. He was beaten up pretty bad in the dogfight and parachute landing, and they had to amputate his leg, so he begged them "Please, if you have to take my leg, can you drop it over my country next time you send a bombing mission?"

The Nazis figured there was no harm in it and the leg was dropped in the next raid.

A week later, his other leg succumbed to his injuries and had to be amputated, and again, he asked his captors to drop in over England on the next raid, and again they obliged.

The next week his arm succumbed to injuries and it was amputated. Again, he asked the German guards to have it dropped over England on the next raid. The German barked at him "Nein!"

The POW was shocked, "Why not? You've done it before!"

"Because," they guard said, "We think you're trying to escape..."

~ thanks to orion549
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Offline Fuchs

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #24 on: 04-03-2010, 18:03:05 »
It made me giggle, Warrior, congrats.

Though after they dropped the first leg I vaguely saw it coming.
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Offline siben

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #25 on: 31-03-2010, 17:03:16 »
Bump

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Offline Tolga<3

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #26 on: 31-03-2010, 17:03:32 »
2 haitians walked in a bar.








.. It collapsed.

Okay im sorry, bad joke :(
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Offline Flippy Warbear

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #27 on: 31-03-2010, 17:03:41 »
Have you guys heard of the new Haitian boyband New Kids Under The Block?
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Offline Tedacious

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #28 on: 31-03-2010, 22:03:08 »
Good one flippy, made me giggle!
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I see were you are trying to reach: "how can a 17 year old kid have such a thinking like this? why doesnt he wants to be like normal teens who whana get rich? and his plan actually makes sense, but is too damn revolutionary and good at the same time than is still doubthfull if it works..." - Damaso

Offline Mspfc Doc DuFresne

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #29 on: 01-04-2010, 00:04:38 »
Q: What was the last thing to go through the pilot's mind when he crashed?

A: The engine.
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